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Why couldn't Lady Diana and Prince Charles work things out? Psychologist Dr. Park Jin-saeng has some ideas on the matter. "Diana had a deep grudge against her mother who left her family when Diana was six, and she also had an obsession with her father," Dr. Park says. "Charles also lacked the warmth of a family as he was raised by the rather cold royal family and he was especially hungry for maternal love. Both were too lonely and isolated to fill the other's vacuum."
After more than a decade of counseling young men and women on their love life troubles, Dr. Park has concluded that every relationship problem begins deep in the mind of the individuals.
"Romantic relationships can often come to an end when you don't come to terms with the hatred you have inside toward those you should love the most, like your parents, siblings, and so on," Dr. Park says. Following are some of Dr. Park's insights and tips for women who are baffled by their seemingly ill-fated romantic relationships.
¡ß Obsessed with your man? You may have "second daughter syndrome"
Women who were born as the second daughter or had many siblings often lacked parental love as a child. They may appear fine and competent on the outside but they tend to be very possessive of their boyfriends. "They are lonely and feel that nobody's on their side," Dr. Park says. "To get attention from their parents, they had to choose to be over-obedient or over-rebellious, and this experience made them possessive of the opposite sex."
Feel like you belong to this category? First, write down the three happiest memories of your childhood and the three most difficult. Then try to see if you repeated any similar moments with your former boyfriends. Remember, no human relationship can provide you with 100 percent of the love and care you desire. Aside from your romantic partner, it is necessary to enrich your relationships with others such as siblings and friends.
¡ß Love at first sight? Give it six months
In psychology, "love at first sight" translates to "unconscious factors at work." "That's your mind trying deliberately to like the man upon finding something in him that you believe is ideal in the opposite sex," Dr. Park says. "But it's also very easy to quickly get disappointed and end the relationship."
Think you've found love at first sight? Try writing down the man's top ten strengths and weaknesses. Then figure out if this guy is similar to somebody else you encountered in your past. It's better to try to get to know the person as he really is. Give the relationship at least six months and put it through various tests.
¡ß Just another person to defeat? You may have an inferiority complex
Women who have an inferiority complex are often workaholics and are not attracted to men who are more competent than they are. "They see males as competitors. They were often raised in homes that placed great expectations on them and the rivalry with males makes them unconsciously afraid of strong and competent men," Dr. Park says.
It's important for women in this position to take a close look at themselves and their inferiorities. Then they need to build up their self-esteem. If they get married without addressing these issues first they could soon end up with serious problems as they will likely be burdened by the inferiorities of their husbands.
¡ß Fickle? Forgive your father
Do you surround yourself with men only to find that none is good enough for you? Look back into your past. "Deep inside your heart, you don't like men. If you're like most cases then you had a rough relationship with your father," Dr. Park says.
First, acknowledge that you lack paternal love. When people are hungry they'll eat just about anything, and likewise with love -- you can fall for any guy who is nice to you. Be honest with your feelings about your parents. Write them down, talk to a friend or seek professional help. Stop leading men on. You can't have them all.
¡ßThink all men are heroes or losers? Wake up
Women in this category dedicate their body and soul to the man they adore. On the other hand, they are almost always turned off by the men who actually like them as these men appear to them as little more than wimps.
"They probably experienced an event in their childhood that fixed their idea of an ideal man, and this has led to their categorizing all men as either 'knights in shining armor' or 'stable boys.' They don't see reality and this is what's preventing them from having a normal two-way relationship," Park says.
These women must first change their mindset. Men are as diverse and as different as women and when a man shows interest, give him at least a chance.
(englishnews@chosun.com )
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