35-year-old Ms. Kim, who married 42-year-old Mr. Park in September after meeting him through a matchmaker, began her married life in Daejeon after informing the government of her marriage in November. Right off the bat, however, her husband's behavior was strange. He didn't sleep at night, and he asked for sex three or four times a day at the least (and five or six times at the most). Because of this constant sex for a month and a half, she even went to the hospital, but her husband didn't know how to stop. He even forced her to go around naked in the house. In March, she filed to have her marriage annulled. Daejeon District Court ruled the marriage annulled, saying that a grave matter was preventing the two from living together as man and wife. It also told Park to pay his ex-wife W20 million in compensation.
Specialists say that Park's case is a typical one of "sex addiction." Sex addiction, as a way to reduce stress and insecurity through sex, is usually accompanied by symptoms of compulsive sex due to irrepressible sexual urges. Like other addictions such as alcohol, gambling, drugs, Internet and cybersex, sex addiction causes difficulty in living a normal life because of an attachment to sex, and if sex is suddenly withdrawn, the addict exhibits symptoms of withdrawal. In psychiatrist Patrick J. Carnes's 1983 book "Out of the Shadows: Understanding Sexual Addiction," the disease is called "hypersexuality," "sexual compulsive behavior" and "nymphomania." Sexual addiction became famous globally because of the scandal between former U.S. President Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.
Dr. Seol Hyun-wook of the Seoul Sex Clinic said the symptoms of sex addiction are diverse -- they include those who, like Don Juan, must go from woman to woman looking for conquests, those who continue to engage in sexual relations with partners they cannot tie themselves to, those who become absorbed in compulsive masturbation, and those who engage in sex with several people at the same time. He said that generally, 5 percent of adults are presumed to be sex addicts. In particular, experts say that in the case of Korean men, who are under much stress and have easy access to sex through "wonjo-gyojae" (relationships involving older men paying teenage girls for sex) and adult Internet sites, there may be a high number of sex addicts.
70 percent of sex addicts are men, but women are not exempt. 37-year-old Ms. Choi is receiving counseling for compulsive masturbation. "My husband isn't very good at sex... At first, I masturbated instead of sex, but recently, I have to do it at least once a day, and there are even times when I have to do it several times a day." Choi has had much to do at work this year, and her children's education has been giving her extreme stress. Perhaps because of this, she has even shown signs of becoming needlessly irritable if she doesn't masturbate. "I'm always wondering if there is some place I could sneak away to and comfortably masturbate... It's so shameful and I even feel guilty."
Experts say that sex addicts lose themselves in sex to overcome senses of inferiority, emotional insecurity or depression. Dr. Seol said it was easy to become a sex addict if one experienced sexual trauma as a youth or grew up in an excessively repressive environment sexually. The danger of falling into sex addiction is particularly high for those in the upper class with high social positions or money to spend. In the United States, it has been reported that among company CEOs and executives, there is a rising number of sex addicts, causing big problems for management.
Most sex addicts don't consider their symptoms a disease. Because of this, it is extremely rare for sex addicts to find help on their own, and it's usually the spouses who come forward and complain of their pain. Jo Gyeong-ae of the Korea Legal Aid Center for Family Relations said that because of their husbands' sex addictions, wives often feel insulted, as if they have become tools. Depression sets in, and some wives even consider divorce, she added.
[Self diagnoses] Are YOU a sex addict?
The standard that determines a sex addict is whether his or her daily life experiences difficulties or is influenced by compulsive sex.
1. There's a gap in my relations with other people because of my sexual cravings.
2. I quarrel with my spouse often because of my frequent demands for sex.
3. I can't sleep well unless I have sex at least once a day.
4. If I'm drinking, I must finish the evening with sex.
5. If I can have sex, it doesn't matter what the other woman is like.
6. Even if I'm with my wife, I constantly look at other women.
7. If I can't have sex, I only feel gratified if I masturbate and sleep.
8. I feel like a Don Juan.
9. You feel attracted to even you're friends' girlfriends.
10. You feel sexual cravings, regardless of place or time.
11. If you're alone, you go to places like massage parlors, barber shops or brothels to have sex.
12. You feel strong urges for perverted sex.
13. You wonder from time to time whether you think of sex too much.
14. You feel insecure and find it hard to bear when you can't have sex when you'd like.
15. Besides the time spent having real sex, you spend time nearly everyday enjoying indirect sex (through the Internet, porn, etc.).
For adult males, if four or fewer of the 15 articles apply to you, you're within safe bounds. Five to eight means you might be at risk, where as nine to 11 means you must be on your guard against developing a full-blown case of sex addiction. 12 or more means you may be in danger of moving into the final stage of sex addiction.
(Park Ran-hee, rhpark@chosun.com )
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